Why Facebook is Terrifying Me Away From Procreating

I’m 27, so I’m in that odd in-between time where my Facebook feed is full of single people posting raging party photos, couples posting wedding photos, and parents posting new baby photos. This is a weird phase of the life of a millenial, EVERYONE is at a drastically different stage of life.

The new-parent-on-social-media stage seems to be fueled by posting smug and “humorous” articles about how much poop is involved in having a baby, and just how disgusting it is.They’re practically weighing each diaper and sharing the measurements on a status update. Other young parents eagerly chime in in the comments with their horrendous stories about how their kid loves to spread jelly all over the couch every morning! “They think the couch is toast! It’s hilarious! I spent 3 hours scrubbing it off just to see that he covered the comforter in jelly, and then pooped on it!” Others will chime in with just HOW TIRED THEY ARE, SO TIRED, THEY HAVEN’T HAD ANY SLEEP, NONE. ZERO SLEEP. Everyone laughs and one-ups each other. They’re all so happy to commiserate together in the comments section of an article titled “5 Things You Never Knew About Bodily Fluids Until You Had Kids.” Beyond that, it seems like there is no other part of these parents’ lives. It seems like they’re no longer a person and only a parent…

For me, a newly married feminist trying to navigate my evolving values and opinions, facing a future that every middle-aged woman seems to have nailed down (“KIDS! YOU’LL HAVE KIDS!”) I see nothing about how all that destruction of body and soul is worth it. All I see is maybe one or two very general, non-specific sentences at the end of the poop-list about how their child’s love is so precious or something. Or how they “just look at their kid sometimes and smile, knowing that there is no other love on earth that can match what they feel right now.”

I need more people, I need more hard evidence that having kids is worth it. Because right now, IT SEEMS HORRIBLE. HORRIBLE.

Of course, Facebook isn’t true reality. In the end, I’m not going to base my reproductive decisions on post-hungry new parents. Usually I will simply deactivate my Facebook account for a while and reset my brain. But, I can’t say that this shit doesn’t scare me! (Pun intended.)

 

Miss USA pageant-a feminist perspective

It fucking sucks. 

The ‘Trainwreck’ trailer is getting me sexually excited, basically

Ladies, we so deserve this movie.

I try to be a good feminist and stick to my “No objectifying anyone, women and men, alike!” standards. It’s a good goal! Good for me!

But the Trailer for the new Amy Schumer/Judd Apatow film, Trainwreck, just gets me going in ways I just didn’t realize I liked. Her freaking out because a guy called her the day after a one night stand is something you just don’t see much from a woman’s character. The endless guys she just uses for sex, thrown across the screen and then they’re gone? Usually it’s the other way around! (My favorite example of this is the scene in Wedding Crashers when a seemingly endless supply of women fall into beds, on beat with the percussion in the musical score to boot!)

If my blog was at all read by anyone, I’d probably get so many awful comments from anti-fem people…but come on, girls, we deserve a female character like this. We’ve been looking at scenes like the one from Wedding Crashers for…our whole lives. Seeing the Trainwreck trailer with so many flipped roles and men being objectified is like a god damned breath of fresh air. Also Jenny Slate’s character in Obvious Child got me going like a little kid in a candy shop…is it ‘shoppe’? I never got that spelling. I think it’s only “shoppe” if you’re selling fudge in a theme park. Anyway, her character was a young comedian, and a woman who simply wasn’t looking for a commitment from anyone and I sat in the theater and just squirmed and giggled and my husband did too and we were adorable.

I will indulge in Trainwreck because I want to, and everyone indulges in something. How many crazy sexist trolls are dudes just getting off on saying horrendous things about women in anonymous comments? That’s their indulgence, Trainwreck is mine.

don’t look at me, that’s sexist.

My brother and I have always fought over what’s “right” and what’s “wrong” when talking about gender rolls and sexism. He’s slightly doubtful that women are paid less or aren’t afforded the same opportunities as men. The majority of his doubts are actually defensive reactions to extreme people that overdo their struggles and hardships and provide weak, emotionally fueled arguments. We’ve all read a blog or two like that. I have no problem believing that women are not afforded as many opportunities or pay as men (because of the hard evidence, but I digress). We usually keep our banter civil and calm, both understanding that we’re coming from different circumstances. Him from being a man and reading way too many overdone angry blogs, and me from getting “LOOK AT THAT ASS!!” yelled at me all the time from men in moving cars.

It’s hard for most men to really understand the underlying sexism around us, because most of the time it’s SO SUBTLE, but It’s a part of a woman’s life. I notice things like how cleaning commercials feature only women in button down shirts, my brother doesn’t. I notice when a man approaches me at work and his eyes slide down and then up quickly, my brother doesn’t. These subtle things are not something he’s ever experienced, so we are obviously going to approach issues differently.

 Yesterday he took what I thought was a bit of a low blow. He said “I don’t know what is sexist anymore and what isn’t. It seems like everyone reacts to everything so angrily. Like, I guess, if a man simply looks at a woman now, that’s sexist, right?”

No, no dude, it’s not. And you know it’s not. And you know that I know it’s not. And by implying that women believe that is the same thing as resorting to the “she’s just hysterical!” thing.

Sigh.

super confused about boobs

I’m watching a boundary-pushing type TV show and a woman gets naked as the camera lingers and it feels like a cheap trick rooted in sexism and gender rolls and I hate it. But then I read about the Free The Nipple campaign and I love it so much. Then I see Miley Cyrus riding around on a wrecking ball naked and I wonder why why why and what is the purpose and did she feel like she had to do that to stay relevant?

I’m angry when I see superstar women get naked on TV, because little girls are watching them gain some sort of attention-based reward from it, but I also want women to be able to do whatever they want, free from expectations and judgement. So, I wish that women didn’t feel that they NEED to expose themselves to gain attention. Some women love their bodies and love showing them off, I know, but maybe one day we’ll live in a society where intelligence and purposeful work is just as sexy. Maybe? Crazier things have happened!